Quarantine Diary & Photos

my friend Jordan recently asked me to write a little excerpt about hope for a series she was doing on Instagram and it felt pretty fitting for the time we are in now with social isolation, lack of work and income, and our day-to-day life being flipped upside down. hope isn’t something that can be really summed up for me. it comes from a foundation with jesus and knowing that ultimately, i will always have hope. this may not be the case for some and maybe they look elsewhere for hope. regardless, i “hope” these words normalize what we are all feeling to some degree and give you peace and comfort that there will be a tomorrow and a day after that and we will keep living and loving and we will make it through this. together.

so here it is - some thoughts about hope:
i think hope looks different throughout life. when you’re younger, a hope almost just feels like a wish for the extraordinary. you hope that the boy you have a crush on likes you back. you hope that your older brother lets you ride with him to school (because he’s way cooler than you). you hope for good grades and to be included. then you get a little bit older and you find yourself hoping for your dream career and your future spouse and to create things that mean something to somebody. you hope for purpose. hope suddenly starts to feel a bit heavier and you often ask yourself, “how am i supposed to hold this, while trying to hold everything else?” maybe somewhere along the way you set hope down because you just couldn’t bear the weight. or so you thought. but i think if there’s anything i remind myself of and i want to remind you of, it’s this: hope isn’t heavy. it’s free. weightless. you just have to choose it. hope doesn’t always have to be for something big. sometimes being hopeful just means we choose to put our feet on the ground for one more day. sometimes being hopeful means we choose to live this life we’ve been given for one more day. we choose to show up... one more day. hopeful moments are everywhere if we really look for them. free little nuggets of encouragement, sprinkled all over, willing us to fight. one. more. day. a little flower that finally bloomed. the birds singing in the morning. a kind stranger at the coffee shop. these moments are hope-filled moments. you see, you don’t need to be able to see past today or tomorrow or next week to be hopeful. you just have to believe that there is more for you. there is good for you. there is a reason you are here and a reason why you’re needed here. i think as i’ve gotten older, i’ve realized that hope is just a choice we get to make everyday. a real and tangible choice and it’s longing, so desperately, to be chosen. because this life is worth fighting for. worth living for. worth hoping for.

i’m rooting for you.

A Love Letter to NYC

Three years ago, Chelsea took me to New York for the very first time. It only feels right that we returned here three years later for her wedding, in the middle of manhattan, with the most unique ceremony I have ever seen or been to.

Being back in New York City always feels a bit like coming home to me. It brings about new inspiration, a new self-awareness, and even a new self confidence that no other city gives me. Everyone there is hustling and bustling to get to places, they wear what they want, they do what they want. Everything feels more sophisticated and more cool in New York. young 20 and 30 somethings spend their weekends in the park or at jazz bars. They train to meet their friends to try new coffee shops and new restaurants.

New York forces you to know who you are. You are surrounded by so many people, so much inspiration, it makes you take a step back and take a good hard look at what separates you from the crowd and then it screams “HOLD ON TIGHT. DON’T LOSE WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU!”

I like that. I like that New York shakes you awake and makes you feel alive.

I can’t quite put into words how I felt during this trip, whole is maybe the best word i could use. when you’re constantly searching I think you overlook most everything right in front of you. searching for identity, searching for success or validation or acceptance. to search means you’re missing or lacking. it means that whatever “it” is you are searching for is elsewhere. it completely overlooks what is here. what is now.

Thank you New York and for old friends, and new, for reminding me that there are so many things right here and now worth feeling excited about.

Below are some of my favorite moments and a playlist I made for you guys.

Everything I do is inspired by music. This playlist, for me, has so many songs that hold special memories from this weekend. Whether it was the song playing in the background at a bar, a song used in my friends wedding, a song I bonded with someone over, these songs are the sounds of summer, the sounds of love, the sounds of adventure and excitement and I hope as you shuffle through this playlist, you feel it.

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There are moments and people from this weekend I will remember forever. The memories from my film camera will find a home on my fridge, but all of the moments that couldn’t be captured will forever live in my heart and my dreams.

Insert Job Title Here

So much of who we are is based around what we do, what occupation we hold. Although it’s often the conversation starter we turn to in social settings when meeting new people, I have to wonder if maybe it’s the one question that makes people feel the most unseen. I have to think maybe by asking people to define themselves by what they do, we are missing the entire person, entirely.

Who is Marah?

It is a new era for MarahCAR with exciting things on the horizon and in the same way, it is a new era for me personally. I am learning and growing and this post is my story of the last five years and why I no longer consider myself a “fashion blogger”. I hope you’ll take the time to read my story. Thank you for allowing me to share it.

The "Influencer" Generation

As Instagram engagement continues to plummet I've noticed the panic content creators are trying so hard to hide but are actually screaming from the rooftops. As our likes and comments and story views decrease, our inept desire to push and produce content that is well received and liked, increases.

Colorado

One of my favorite trips ever. Here are some disposables my friend Bex and I snapped while galavanting through the mountains of Colorado.

Celebration and Mourning

This year has been a year of contrast. Of black and white, light and dark, of disappointment and expectation. It has been a year of lessons often learned the hard way and a year of growth and pain and grace all simultaneously happening at once…

"I'm Just In the Winter"

To be quite honest, I am not sure if this post will be helpful in terms of action steps to take when you're feeling this way. To be quite honest, I am still working through how to deal with this season myself. I think the point of sharing all of this is that I want others to know that if you're here, if this is your winter, eventually, you will bloom.

Heart for Atlanta

This isn't a hate blog on mission trips. It's just a love blog for my city. For what is right here in front of me that I have the capability to play a role in, to help make a change.

Fear Less

Whether you are religious or not, I hope that today, you truly grasp that life can be scary. It can be scary to fall in love for there is a risk of being hurt. It can be scary to start a new job for risk of failure. But today I hope you also realize that most all of us are unqualified, insecure, and a little bit scared.